I have no idea what I'm doing

Step one: Not knowing.

This is where I'm living right now, and I didn't put it together until this moment that I've been running from what I ask my students to embrace. Recently I have been encouraged by more than a few to put some words on paper or create some blog content, for sharing, and tweeting etc. And what's been tripping me up and making me not 'just do it' is this thing about 'well, i don't know what to do'

The realization finally dawned- shining as a beacon completely obvious while totally unseen. I have to practice what I preach. The first step is not knowing. Nothing new can happen if you simply repeat what you've always done.

And yet, we are creatures of habit and lulled by the comfort of familiarity- even when it's counter to getting what we want. Habit so easily obstructs our view. It can be impossible to imagine anything outside of what is already known.

And so often we view 'not knowing' as a negative. We judge it in others and deny it in ourselves.

Alexander Technique is a tool of self-awareness and expression, which start with 'don't do what you know'. Start with stopping, and then redirect intention with curiosity, not habitual reaction. With AT, students refine balance, gain mobility, find ease and freedom by reducing habits of interference and tension. What we know already is only one option. It's fine and comfortable but it also limits potential for growth.

So maybe, some of those same principles can apply here. I bet they can. I have no idea how yet- YAY! Today that's a victory, yesterday it made me miserable. But today I'm letting myself embrace the unknown.

Judy Leibowitz who began the Alexander program at Juilliard called her book Dare to be Wrong. I know I don't do that often enough. I know very few who do, really. The default mask of so many of us is to pretend we have it all figured out. The fear and the shame that is attached to not-knowing, or being wrong is so huge that staying fixed feels preferable to risking failure or risking any change at all.

There's nothing to see here. I don't know what I'm doing. (But I do care a little less about getting right).

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